Death

Why is death so hard? I lost one of the kittens i am raising, i knew i would cause he was so weak but it's still hard. It also showed me that i don't have the friends i thought i did, I posted the news on facebook cause i needed someone to tell me it was ok, but no one even acknowledged it. I got lots of posts about that stupid farmville you know people asking me to help them, why would i want to play a stupid game for you if you didn't want to help me? oh well when Mario gets home he can help me figure out what to do with the poor little thing, right now he is in a box in my kitchen cause i don't know what to do. please someone help me tell me what to do.....

moving time!?

Well Mario is getting the bug of wanting to move back to Fresno! *sigh* It's because between the gas to go down and get his daughter and take her home every other weekend and having no friends up here it's becoming too much. I understand, I really do but i have friends up here people i love and i don't want to leave yet. I knew that we were eventually going to move back but i thought we would be here for at least 3 years and we have now been here for exactly 1 year. I love this town and the people as much as i love fresno i really love modesto. Oh and MOMS club is planning the end of the year banquet and i would love to help! i just don't know if i can now since i am stuck taking care of 2 baby kittens, the mothers milk dried up and so now i have to feed them every 2-3 hrs. Connor however is fascinated by the babies and loves the mama cat since she lets him pet her, unlike our cat Nara who is kinda "cranky" lol.

Thinking

While I was watching a show online today I was reminded of how our relationship used to be before Connor. I don't remember ever fighting, I mean we argued and bickered but never like we do now. It started when my hormones from just having a baby changed. When we would/do fight it gets to the point that I want him to feel pain. I have to stop myself from hitting him or throwing something at him. As much as I love him I don't like him too. I hate the way all he can talk about is video games and how he plays Runscape non stop he even gets up in the middle of the night just to play! He won't get a joint bank account because he thinks i will spend all the money! Ya on bills!!! I hate having to ask him for anything,  BUT there are a lot of good pints too!! when we first got pregnant he had a seasonal job that didn't pay great, but by the time Connor was born he had pushed himself to get 3 promotions and a month after Connor turned a year he got an even better promotion and moved up here to Modesto, we don't have a lot of money but we are doing ok, we are able to pay all of our bills and still have some extra money. plus they offer overtime since it's tax season. Did I mention he is an IRS employee? He is very dedicated to making sure we have a good life, sometimes I joke that I want a huge house and lots of money and he always replies "I'm trying" lol. He's great with Connor and it's so awesome to watch them play together! As much as he makes me angry he makes me happy at the same time. He was my first serious long term relationship I was only 19 when i got pregnant and as much as I acted like an adult I'm not sure I was totally ready for a baby!  Yes I can admit that I should have waited a few years to have him but oh well! I love him to pieces anyway I may not be the best mother but I think I'm a pretty good one, my 2 year old can say and knows all his ABC's even when you mix them up or ask him to pick random letter he can, and most of the time he's happy!